Attempting to be Unexpected

Well look at that, I made it to day two.  Give it a couple more days and I'll peter out.  I always do.  I think it's because I become so concerned with my writing style and technique.  Basically I think it's shit.  And I let that negativity bounce around in my brain until every part of it is now dented or bruised.  Ultimately forcing myself to give up because I'm believing that voice.
Strangely I don't feel that way yet.  I'm oddly calm and somewhat positive.  Again, just a fluke.  I'll beat myself into submission and give up, claiming I'm shit.
(That's he way to go about it, Josh, sarcasm and negativitiy! Good Job.)
Year of Writing Prompts by Brian A. Klems & Zachary Petit
January 2nd
High Stakes Holidays
"That's not a New Year's Resolution.  That's a death wish." Use this as a first line and run with it!
"So, basically," Anthony said, stuffing another crème puff into his mouth, "I'm going to just say fuck it and gain as much weight as I can.  I call it my 'Don't fear what you'll gain in a year.'"
"That's not a New Year's resolution, Tone," Becka said, "That's a death wish. Do you realize how unhealthy that is.  Well," she paused, craning her head back and blinking furiously,"or do you mean you'll eat whatever you want, but mainly vegetables.  Or is it an atkins thing?"
Tony shook his head, while devouring another puff in one bite.
"No.  This isn't a weightloss journey, beck.  This is I'm going to eat whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want to.  Screw diets and working out.  That's for the birds.  I'm just going to live my life and eat whatever I want."
Becka stared slack jawed.
Tony popped his eyebrows and smiled. "Jealous."
"No. No I'm not. You're tying to kill yourself."
"Why does everyone always say that.  I'm not killing myself.  I would be if I was intentionally trying to get fat.  That would mean I was bed ridden and could never leave the house or have to work..."
"No! Tony, don't you go there! I see those wheels spinning.  Just take it back to eating whatever you want.  But to intention-"
"Are you kidding! I wouldn't have to work! I could stay at home and play my xbox all day." Tony looked off into the middle distance. A grin played about his lips.
In his moment of distracted contemplation Becka hurriedly seized her moment.  She shoved her hand into her coach bag and produced a pair of fuzzy handcuffs hich she proceeded to lock around Tony's wrist and her dining room chair. 
The people packed into her apartment carried on without a second glance.
"What the hell," Tony said, "Beck, where did you get these?"
"Tony, I'm doing this for your own good."
Tony opened his mouth to speak but when becka promptly turned to a pair of muscly gentlemen standing in her kitchen he didn't respond. They exchanged a few words as becka pointed over her shoulder. The two men laughed and walked around her and strutted over to Tony.  He watched confused as the men picked up the chair and carried him with it down the hall and into the spare room.
"Sleep tight, bud," one of them said.
They left the room, shutting the door behind them.
Little did they know that Becka had tricked them and Tony into a scheme she had concocted on the fly.  For the next three weeks she kept her friend hostage in her spare room.  She would visit nightly to feed him and bathe any exposed skin.
"Becka, you're insane, let me go."
She pressed herfinger to his lips.
"I'm crazy? You're the one who wanted to get fat on purpose.  I am saving you from yourself. "
"Please! Somebody help me!" Tony screamed.
Becka grabbed the ballgag and put it back into his mouth.
"Naughty, naughty," She said. "Remember we talked about that."
Tony groaned behind the red rubber gag.
It wasn't until the next day that Tony knew what he had to do.
Becka entered the room backwards, carrying a tray of sour dough bread and vegetable soup.
"I made it myself!"
With nimble fingers she removed the ball and prepared to spoon feed him, even though he had a free hand.
"Beck, I have finally realized the error of my ways."
Sitting up straight she lowered the spoon back to the bowl.  Her blue doe eyes fixed with his.
"What is it darling?"
"It is obvious that you care so much for me.  I want you to marry me and care for me this way always."
"What?"
"Yes. I must have you."
Becka frowned and put the tray on the floor to the side of her chair.  With liquid motions she pulled the key from her pocket and unlocked Tony from his restraints.
"I'd rather you get fat."

A New Year, an Old Goal

Back in July Writer's Digest (my hooker of choice) offered a special on a couple e-books. One of which was a book that offered a different writing prompt for every day of a full calendar year.  I wanted to start immediately, but seeing as how the book began on January 1st I thought I'd wait until that time to begin.  Especially since the prompts grew more difficult with each passing day.

Like most things I say "I'll remember this for later." I very nearly forgot. It wasn't until Writer's Digest sent me another dirty tease about that book which reminded me of it's existence on my computer.  So, if all of my other resolutions fail I wish for this one to at least go.  I think I can write everyday and post it on here.  (Can't I?)

The first prompt of Year of Writing Prompts (by Brian A Klems and Zachary Petit) is very fitting for the first of January.

"January 1. Your Resolutions. What are your New Year's resoltuions? Take one and create a fictional story surrounding it."

Like countless thousands, I have made at least one resolution.  Though being the lazy overachiever I am I have made a list of 6 different things I would like to accomplish in the new year. Whether I actually achieve them is an entirely different story.  One of my favorite quotes is from the movie Forest Gump which perfectly sums up my feelings about resolutions and a new year.  The scene is of Forest,Captain Dan, and the two hookery girls in a bar watching the ball drop in time square.  One of them with big doughy eyes watches and says in a whisper "I love new years. Everybody gets a second chance." And if I am given a second chance I'm going to at least mildly attempt it with gusto.
My Resolutions:
1 - Finish my book.
2 - Get in shape.  I'm 58 lbs overweight.
3 - Read at least 12 books.
4 - Get spiritually settled.
5 - Start a family.
6 - Pay off my credit cards.
Derek and Moira stood nervously in the exam room.  Despite having told her numerous times to sit Moira had refused.  So instead he wrapped his wife in his embrace.  He pressed his cheek to hers and hum a tune of his own creation.  It was one of the things she loved most about him.  The gentle melody soothed her nerves and she could focus on more important things like fertility and being pregnant. 
This was round number four in their battle with her failing uterus.  In one of there attempts she thought she had a knock out but it came in with a sucker punch and knocked all the wind from her gut.  The two had been devastated and spent nearly a year recuperating.
"Do you think she's taking so long because it's good news?" she asked.  She kept her eyes shut and focused on her and him, blocking the rest of the world out.  In her mind she and he stood in the vast expanse of the galaxy among stars and moons.
Derek stopped humming and hugged her tighter.
"It will be what it will be." he said.
Luckily her eyes were shut, and him not looking cause he would have been offended at her eye roll.  It was the best he coud offer at such a time.  He was just as clueless as her and she knew that.
They had prepared in the car before they dare enter the office.  And prior to that they had spent all night talking it through.  The final conclusion then was if this didn't work they would have to adopt.  Derek had made such a beautiful altruistic case for it.
"There are so many other kids in this world desperate for a family.  Why would we deny them a loving home?"
She had hated him for his sense of logic. Even a tiny bit jealous.  She had always assumed he felt the same as her when it came to biological or not. How could they be close to one that wasn't made up of the two of them? It was an absolutely selfish thought.  She knew that.  But with all her knowledge she couldn't change the pressing fear and guilt weighing in her chest.
Please, God, she prayed for the billionth time.
With a click of the door the doctor swooped into the exam room.  He instinctively looked at the table before looking around the door.
"Good afternoon," he said.
The two stepped from the other's embrace and stood, only inches apart, with their hands clasped together. Derek like the gentleman that he was offered his hand to the doctor. The white coat clad physician took it and gave it a firm shake.  Already his confidence and cool demeanor had Moira hopeful.  Of the times before she had known, before they had spoken a word, the crushing answer. 
"So we got back the test and I have some bad news and some good news."
Moira's heart froze in her chest.   Derek tightened his grip around her hand.  They could do this, it said.
"You are definitely pregnant," he said then looked down.
"You know what, Dr. Stewart, You can stop there.  Unless the bad news is that it would somehow harm my wife I don't think we should know. At this point, no matter how the baby is we will love it all the more.  Because it's ours."
Moira looked at her husband, studying his square features and stubbled complexion. 
"Okay." The doctor said.
Derek met his wife's gaze and smiled.
"Because it's ours," she said.

Unusually Complimentary

There has been a strange turn of events these past few days, my husband has shown interest in my desire to be a writer.  I know! I am just as shocked as you.  Don’t get me wrong, he is … “supportive” to a degree.  He’s just a realist when it comes to dreams.  If he cannot see a hard path, he is not taking it.  Does that make sense?  Well, anyway, since I told him my plans to document our trip to London on the cheap and possibly write a book he is on-board.  He even called me on Friday and started pouring compliments over me; my body was in shock.  It is not accustomed to such gushing, but I’m not one to turn it down.

My husband told me that he thinks I would make a good travel writer because I can tell a story and I am humorous.  Which, that sentence in itself shows my humor, because the man has never thought that I’m out-right funny prior to last Friday or at least expressed any similar sentiment.  It has not been until the past few years, hanging around our friends, that he sees I can be a downright riot.  If he and I are talking I can’t crack a joke and make him laugh.  He only finds me entertaining when I say or do something stupid and he can point it out.  And like the true attention whore that I am, I play right into it, developing a whole “persona” to go along with my flustered awareness.  We just have different styles of humor with only a portion of overlap.  The most ridiculous scenarios easily amuse me.  To be a little more precise: give me a cat video any day and I will laugh so hard I will cry.  He will not.

I don’t mean to discourage him or his compliments in any way.  He is an amazing man and honest.  That’s why I always go to him for an opinion.  He will not sugar coat it.  If I wasn’t good in a play or in what I’m writing he will tell me.  Which is a double edged sword, for him and me.  The fact of the matter is that if he says I’m good at something he truly means it, and with that I am energized.  So,  during our trip I’m going to be extra-observant and take copious notes, and when I get back I can write a book proposal.

Impeach Ebola

I saw this little gem on my way into work this morning.  I wonder if it belonged to the guy in Starbucks that had this insane comb-over that at one point went outside to check the windows of the store for no apparent reason. I don’t mean to or really want to be this persons PR person but… This has to be the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever seen. Truly. And I don’t care where anyone stands when it comes to the president, this is just crazy.


First off… The thing that irritates me the most about this is that I truly believe this person thinks they’re being “witty” and “intelligent.” Ebola…. Obama… Oh my god! That’s the most hilarious comparison! I nearly died laughing. You sir, you need to be a comedian, because you’re observations are A-1 riots.


Impeach Ebola… Is the author trying to say that we should impeach the president for the two cases reported in Texas, which has so far resulted in a single death? That it is the fault of the president that Ebola has reached the Unite States? Because… if that’s the case we need to blame Reagan for AIDS back in the 80’s. I mean, really. At least this president has recognized that it’s a potential threat after a SINGLE PERSON HAS DIED, as opposed to the HUNDREDS that perished before Reagan wanted to admit AIDS was even real.


It’s strange to me how people seem to think the president is an omnipotent being that has control over every situation in the country at the same time. He’s not a god, folks. He’s a man.


Finally… Impeach him? Really? That’s like having someone run a 5K and right as the finish line is only 200 yards away, yanking him out of the race and tell him he’s done. Why don’t we just go ahead and let him finish this one out, okay? I think the House of Representatives has more important things to worry about than impeaching the president. Although, I bet they’d love to do it because then it’d look like they have actually accomplished SOMETHING. “Good work guys, we got rid of someone who attempted to do something. We’re awesome.”


I understand that we all have our differences of opinion. We are all our own individual snowflake, but when it comes to certain things a modicum of rationale has to come into one’s head before he does something that is idiotic and offensive

London is Right Around the Corner

My husband's and my trip to London is only 21 days away and I cannot wait. My mind has already started whirling with what we will do there, will it be as fun as it was last time, and how will we afford it. We bought our tickets back when my husband's business was doing better than it is now and were in a more financially stable situation. At this point in time... not so much. But, we can't get a refund for our tickets... they're already bought and paid for so we might as well just enjoy the trip.

Our plan is to try and do London on the cheap. We've already accepted it'll be a lot of "fast food" like Burger King, which happens to be across the street from our hotel, and a lot of just walking around neighborhoods "site seeing." Sounds pathetic, but I imagine that's where a lot of the fun will happen. In all of our trips it's the stuff we've done off the beaten path where our stories have sprouted from. For instance, last year we went to a chalk mine that billed itself to be very historical. We toured these twisting and turning tunnels by this tiny old man I was certain would get us lost in the dark or kill us. At one point he took our gas lamps away from us and left us in complete silence, beneath a carving that was supposed to be a druid sacrificial alter (which it was not, by the way). Then he walked back to us talking slowly. I was reminded of Sméagol in the Hobbit.

This go around there is only one thing I have to-have to do and that is go to Oxford. I would particularly like to do it on my birthday. My main purpose is to visit the grave of C. S. Lewis, my idol and the man who inspired me to be a writer. Other than that... I'm basically just along for the ride.

Thoughts On a Selfish Lie

Well, I have this webpage and pay a hefty fee to have it exist in the “inter-webs” I might as well put it to good use. My theory has been to primarily keep it to writing and my journey to establish it, yet I haven’t worked on my novel in some time. It’s primarily due to the fact that I’ve been busy with my two on-line college courses, but that’s beside the point. In reality it may be due to the fact that the chapter I stopped on was in ROUGH condition. It needs a total rehab. Full gut, full rehab. And I don’t have the “funds” for that right now. Which leads me to my point… I am a very opinionated, self-absorbed, person. Typically I reserve my rants for Facebook, but I don’t want to be “that guy,” you know? I rather use it for uplifting shit, whatever that may end up being. So thus, I am using my personal site as a platform to shout my insane opinions.

For my first entry in this “re-branding” (if you will) I wanted to make it something I am passionate about. And other than writing (and cupcakes) I am an out and proud gay man, that cares about my community; and whomever may be in that circle. I say that last part because I came across a wonderful article: How Straight Spouses Cope When Their Partners Come Out by Christine Grimaldi. You can read it here .

As a gay man, I have gone through the journey of discovery and acceptance every homosexual (sounds so clinical) person has experienced. Mine was just as rocky as any others (I went to Christian school from pre-k to 8th), but in comparison to others it was a cakewalk. I struggled to accept who I was, but once I met my first boyfriend I knew I was gay and I accepted it without further hesitation, which is weird. I realize it now that my parents inadvertently raised me to be a confident adult with my own opinions and views. True, my mother was devastated that I was gay and subsequently didn’t speak to me for two months after I came out for the second time (That’s a story for another time), but I couldn’t live a lie. Side note, my mother now introduces my husband as her son-in-law. The woman is miraculous and amazing. And like any good gay son I cherish her.

Like many before me, I attempted to date girls. My tally only got to two, but that was all I needed to know that girls are just not for me. I feel no real connection other than one of a friend and no sexual energy at all. So, my foray into the straight dating pool never left the dock. I sometimes wonder if I had never met my first boyfriend and surrounded myself with a supportive girl friend, if I would have continued to deny my sexuality. And I can’t help but feel that I would have at some point accepted it, but it would have been in secret, hiding behind a woman. Standing strong in who I am now I see that as the most selfish thing that a person could do. It’s denying the heterosexual person in the relationship a chance at true love and romance.

In my life, I’ve encountered a high number of married men looking to meet up for sexual liaisons with men. And all I can think is ‘how could you do that to someone?’ Forget living a lie and the guilt and shame involved, let us set that aside. The wife is set up for so much agony. Maybe the husband shows her little to no sexual interest, what does that do to her self-esteem? Will she ever be sexually fulfilled? What if she worries that her husband is having an affair? Or evene worse, what happens if she finds out? What happens when/if kids are involved? So much hurt building up in this lie. I am glad I never did that. The consequences are so dire that no one will leave unscathed.

The only way these situations are going to change is with acceptance. Once social stigma has been erased from being gay/lesbian can people be allowed to live as their authentic selves. I cannot help but feel that this world would be better without religion… It’s with these beliefs that people bend and twist themselves to fit some mold that no one will ever live up to. Let us not forget, the Ten Commandments state lying is a sin, but says nothing about being gay.

Midnight Update

I have been in a rut for some time. Although, in reality, when am I not? I took some much needed time off from writing for school and to read one of my friends novels. Now that I have completed both (successfully I should say), I have been taking my time reading and resting my brain. At least that's how I sell the procrastination to myself.

Ever since I worked at Border's in the stock room, there has been a book that has jumped out at me. I've read the first few pages countless times. Just it's mere placement in the Border's store confused me. It was placed in metaphysical, the synopsis and cover seemed to state otherwise. Anyway, I just stocked the things. I wasn't the one dictating their placement. Either way, I've seen it around ever since and debated whether or not I wanted to toss out the cash to purchase it for my own use. A couple days ago I did just that in an effort to buy myself a little happy. I was stressing over my choice of going to a "special event" I had been planning on attending for the past six months, or doing a show written and directed by one of my closest (if not best) friends. At the time of auditioning I had an idea that it would conflict, but I thought it would be a simple answer and it wasn't. Basically it boiled down to my husband building up doubt in my thoughts until I couldn't handle my feelings. So, I escaped to Coldstone for a Strawberry Shortcake Serenade, which the bitch had no idea what I was talking about (noob), and then I traipsed over to Target to buy some more joy. Thus I finally broke down and bought "The Alchemist" by Paul Coelho.

The book was fantastic. His short, quick, style of storytelling was a little off-putting at first but once I had become accustomed to it the story opened up for me. As I was about halfway through the novel I understood it's Border's placement. It bordered on allegory, self help, and fiction. I wouldn't know where to put it now, really.

While reading it all I could think about was my own Personal Legend and how I was going to achieve it.

I don't want to ruin the ending, so instead I will just say: Read the effing thing now! It was very... As cheesy as it sounds, it was very inspiring for me. And I have taken a small step to get back to editing. I will have my novel finished. I will get it published. And it will be read by hundreds of people. (I'm starting small.)