July July

A few weeks ago I had decided to spend all of July devoting an hour to an hour and a half to writing. The main goal being that I spend this time working on my novel to be ready to submit during august and into the fall. (Depending on it's likability.) But it seems that I am taking, quite literally, dime store advice from a tarot card reader on what I should do.

I was involved with the Hollywood Fringe festival. I performed as Barney in the sequel "love never dies." It was an hour long over the top production written by a good friend of mine. It was fun and a good way to end my theatre time. After our final show dinner we headed over to "fringe central." It was this non-stop party at an art gallery located next-door to the theatre. My ward (faith) and I arrived earlier than the rest and after doing a once around at the party I came across a man sitting in a big bird cage doing tarot card readings. I immediately stopped.

I have to admit that I do buy into horoscopes, palm reading (which I can do, by the way), and tarot cards. I could go into great detail to why I do but that isn't really the topic at hand. Either way, I just wanted to make it aware that I have a fondness for them.

The tarot card reader was working solely on tips so there was nothing really to lose.

The teller, Matt, asked me if I had a particular question in mind or if I just wanted a reading. I went with the latter because the only question I want to know I swore, a long time ago, I would never ask a fortune-teller. Ever.

Matt spread the deck across the red table cloth and instructed me to choose three cards at random. Two of my choices I can't remember the name of the cards. The first card I drew I will forever remember. It was the emperor card. That is the card designated to my birthdate. So, it was really eerie that it was the first card I selected. Of the other two, I remember that they were exact opposites. One represented struggle and pain and the other was extreme joy and happiness. His appraisal of my choices was: I was struggling with something that made me extremely happy. I can't remember his precise wording of the reading, I do remember he was uncertain and confused.

Honestly, his reading made so much sense that it brought me some relief. I have spent the past two years struggling and rushing to finish my novel. It's so close but no matter what I do I force myself back. I fill my time with other things or I push myself to do it and thus end up hating the entire experience. It's truly been a "struggle."

Matt's advice was that I should take some time away from this one particular project and work on other things and to come back to it.

His advice isn't that novel. (Ha, novel.) I have read over and over to take a break from certain projects that keep giving the artist a difficult time, and to just return refreshed and relaxed. I just ignored it. I feel 100% compelled to finish my book. I want to be published. I want to have my words out in the world. I just want to feel accomplished. So I am pushing myself into it without really enjoying it and sucking my enjoyment out.

I understand that at some point, if I ever do get published that I will be forced to work under strict deadlines. It is just a fact of the business (I have read.) But I'm not there yet. At least now I should enjoy it before I "American dream" it and end up loathing that which I loved.

So in taking Matt's advice, I will spend the month of July writing but not on my book. Instead I will spend an hour every night exercising my creativity. I have a copy of "The Writer's Book of Matches" and I will select a new prompt every night to write during that time. If I feel compelled to continue on with the project, so be it. If not, there is no pressure.